Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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