Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
