Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im holly from the hills drunk
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
