I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
