i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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