I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
