As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
