I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
