he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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