Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
