i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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