I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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