i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
