I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
