Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
