I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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