no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
