would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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