I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
