I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
