I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
