Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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