I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
