there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
