my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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