I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
