Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
