Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
operation harelip BJ is a go
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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