my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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