And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I could make wine with my vomit
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
