Already got asked if we're dating
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
