so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
