I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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