oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
