it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's official drugs can't kill me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
