I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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