I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
