I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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