Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
