UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
