a queef is a wish your heart makes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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