That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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