I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
