so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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