the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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