i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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