____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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