I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
