apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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