At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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