im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
