This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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