yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
