I just saw a hot homeless man
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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